Alas, first post from me this year!

I just realized that we missed our 2nd year anniversary. Our first post was on 16th November 2008. Our last post was 30th January this year by SaDu. Then, each of us manage our very own blog(s), and remain the silence in this “house”.

Tonight we are meeting again. I can’t remember when our last meet was. Probably months ago, can’t recall anything with my fish head. Recently I am reading the mind mapping by Tony Buzan, hopefully it’ll improve my memory capability. 😛

Have been stressed up, especially lately, as the year end is coming, and my focal doesn’t seem going well. Hopefully this is a false alarm AGAIN. I hate to go through this every year end, and my boss told me I am potential below expectation candidate. Frankly, this is very discouraging. If so, should have told me during mid-year, so I have at least 6 months to rectify the situation. If this is to make sure I don’t put on high hope to get more increment… Gosh, I must say your title is manager, but you aren’t there yet. You should be the below expectation candidate. Anyway, that’s life. Can’t rant this in my own blog, he might has an eye on it. 😦

There are a lot of things I promised I didn’t work it out this year. I was supposed to explore my Mac book, and iPhone application development, I didn’t. I was supposed to record my song using Mac book, I didn’t too. Frankly, when I see the Mac book lying on the desk, and the technical books that I bought this year to fulfill the “resolutions” that I made early this year, I feel bad. I am going to put these lists to my next year plan. Please, REMIND me!

Ah! Another 50 minutes before off office hour, but I’d like to leave earlier… So gals, see ya later!

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dis⋅ci⋅pline

–noun

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.
6. a set or system of rules and regulations.
7. Ecclesiastical. the system of government regulating the practice of a church as distinguished from its doctrine.
8. an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.
9. a branch of instruction or learning: the disciplines of history and economics.

–verb (used with object)

1. to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
2. to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
3. to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

 

quoted from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/discipline

 

My boss “shared” with us about discipline few weeks ago. The flexibility of working hour doesn’t mean can come in late everyday, and make it as a habit. We need to hold to discipline within our team. Talk about discipline huh?!

 

I started to “think” about it. He is the culprit that causes us NOT discipline. The team meetings or 1-1s time slot are being shifting around, and a lot of them become “ad-hoc” meetings. And now DEMAND us to open and share our calendar to him so that he know if he can overwrites other he THINK that it has lower priority meetings… I guess it’s just because he scheduled a REGULAR team meeting that crashed with my 1-1 with his boss. So he has to know exactly every meetings that we have in our calendar.

 

What if I allocated the time for my breakfast, lunch, rest, focus hours? Isn’t this is more important compare to meeting for a pass down session which can be done via email???

 

Is this a double standard of disciplinary that he talked about?

 

I am super reluctant to open and share my calendar. I’ll ignore this request for the time being. Just in case, my boss so geng to check the websites that I visited, and blogs that I updated from whatever log he got from company network and found this… Boss, my ex-boss said I am not an obedient engineer, and I believe I told you this. Please accept that not an obedient engineer is a valuable assets for your team, and I am one of them!

 

My, why an individual’s view so different when “upgrade” from engineer to manager?

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我們的愛(our love)

I went to karaok alone yesterday. This song, somehow makes me cry.

Then, I suddenly know nothing about love. What love is all about? Can it be digitized? It would be best in a 2 value format, 1 or 0.

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Destressed @ SmokyJack Ribs & Steak House

It has been long while I never blog. Not that I don’t blog at all, but… It’s not as frequent as I used to be, or as much effort or time that I used to spent to blog. This is not right, at least to me. 😐

 

Anyway, I am glad that we managed to find a time slot for 3 of us to go for a nice dinner!

 

Hmm… Nowadays, I write across several days for a blog entry. Now I am continuing after… 5? Or probably 6 days! To be continue…

 

Let’s get this up today! 😀

 

We went to SmokyJack Ribs & Steak House. The day before this big event, 3 of us chat online trying to compromise on the dress code for THE dinner. Finally, I am not sure I lost track, or Baby and SaDu confused… I recall we finally agree on wearing anything…

 

SmokyJack Ribs & Steak House

 

So, when Baby came by and fetched me, she said I didn’t follow the dress code. 😦 I was surprised… We are supposed to wear black top? I refused because it’s the 15th of 7th month in lunar calendar. It’s kinda scary when thinking about it. 😛 Anyway, I did have a black top! I brought a black shawl, then I am aligned to the dress code! Haha!

 

SaDu and I brought camera. She brought her D90, and I brought my D40x. Yup, both of us got new camera. To be precise, I got a new old camera, and she got a brand new camera. Hahaha! What am I mumbling about?

 

OK, cut the crap short. To be continue again…

 

I hope this is going to be posted up today. I have been dragging for too long. This show how bad personality I have in one of myself. 😦

 

Baby came and drove us there. I felt the tensed, stressed and everything mixed up between us. (Or, I am just over stressed. :P)

 

As we entered the restaurant, we felt like we entered an alien domain. There are a lot of cocoons there. I am glad that we were not sitting in any of the cocoons (though I am not originated from the Earth too). I am not quite sure where these cocoons coming from.

 

Coccon from outer space

 

Anyway, our table was next to a group of human. Baby was disturbed and sent us SMS. I did see and overhear those human looked at us, and talked about us. I guess SaDu and I were busy with our camera, that’s why we never bother about them. However, I didn’t charge the battery; my camera went off after a few shots. There goes my first experience with my new baby.

 

We ordered soups… OK, I ordered clam chowder, SaDu ordered mushroom soup, and Baby ordered… asparagus soup? I can’t recall now! I only can recall, the soup taste the same, but at a different level of saltiness.

 

It is normal for me not remembering the food that we ordered too. 😛 We had lamb, beef and chicken… And we had spaghetti too! The lamb and spaghetti were very very nice! The food portion was big enough to stop us from ordering desserts distressed. 😀

 

We chat a lot after meal, mostly on relationship thingy. I think that is one of our most headache topics in life that we have to bear with it. Work? Of course, that’s another big chunk of life contribute to our stress level! Arrgghh! Stop thinking about it!

 

Somehow, we were attracted by a couple sit at the other end of the small space after the group of human went off. We were guessing if they are she-she, or he-she, and did they kiss??!! Yeah! SaDu had the best spot to view the real action. I only can do some guessing. Baby said at their body language and position, there’s no way they can kiss. It was indeed very good distraction to our stress. So, we do not need desserts to end our dinner.

 

SaDu was drunk with her pine-apple juice. The drunken symptom was lengthening by another dose of pine-apple next day! 😀

 

Three of us didn’t take much photo. We didn’t take a group photo, and we didn’t land any s33o foot print there!

 

Some updates from us, Baby went to Malacca, SaDu flied to Melbourne, and I visited Kedah last week. Quite happening huh?!

 

Our anniversary is coming; I wish I’ll be here, though I wish I can be going on oversea assignment too. 😀

 

The wine rack near the entrance area.

 

Wine rack

 

SaDu, Baby and my orange juice. 😀

 

Trio

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The aches

It just suddenly crossed my mind that we are all aching in one way or another. All of us are struggling to mend that heartache..that headache..that backache..that ache that doesn’t seem to go away. Funny how we are all trying so hard to to keep ourselves busy and occupied because we want to run away from what we know we are not able to face/fix. Question is, how far can we run? or, how long can we run? Does the ache go away after that? 10 km? 1000 miles? Probably not in a million years. Yes, not in a million years.

 

I’m sure we have come a long way healing from one heartache to another, learning to forgive one betrayal to another, accepting the disappointment and just wanting to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s one thing that has never failed us so far… the sun continues to rise the next day. So…why stay in the dark gloomy weather so long? Perhaps a little sun could help us take some baby steps and eventually..getting there?

 

I’m learning to release and leave it to the hands of the one who has the ability to do something. Cos whatever that I’m capable of..is just not going to make any difference. It’s just this much that I can do. I dunno about you..but I find leaving my burdens to God definitely relieve my shoulders much more and allow me to take bigger steps out of the rut. No doubt everything seemed bleak and nothing is certain. I’m in doubt cos I’m hurt. I don’t know how to trust and who to trust. But when I think of it…has God forsaken me? Has He ever disappointed me? Never….so, why doubt Him just because you are disappointed with someone/something else?

 

I don’t want to hold on to this baggage and expect myself to climb up steps. I hope you’ll learn to let it go than to struggle each step with your baggage. Drop it. Along the way, you might just find something more worthy of your strength. Perhaps this is sounding a bit too hopeful for you…but really…I have decided to move on and as difficult as it is, I’m not going to force myself to forget or to heal completely. I’m just gonna let go of this burden..and start to take my baby steps. As my stamina catches up..I’m sure I’ll be ready to run. And when He thinks I’m ready..I know I’ll be ready to flap my wings and soar….

 

So…you joining me?

 

 

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